We take just about everything for granted these days. We don't think twice about flipping on a switch and having lights until the power goes out. We get in our car, turn it on and drive off without thinking about it, until the car won't start. We load the dishwasher and hit start, never even thinking about the convenience.
When two people are first married, they notice all the little things the other does for them. The longer a couple is married, the less those little things are noticed. Before I go much further, I do want to say this isn't a matter of the other needing things from the other. Barb Wire Man and I neither on need each other. He has and is perfectly able to take care of himself in every way. I do not need Barb Wire Man - I have, and can take care of myself in every way. But, I suppose this is a little rant.
I'm talking about the little things we do each day to make the other feel special, or to help make their life a little easier.
I work each day. Yes, I stay at home to work, but I do work. During the school year, I babysit. Contrary to what some believe, I do not sit on the couch while they watch TV. I hardly sit down throughout the day! We play, and sing all day. I change diapers constantly (literally about 18 a day!), cook breakfast and lunch for them, make them snacks, and even help potty train. Essentially, I am their mommy from 7:30 in the morning until 5:00 or later in the evening. And I love it! Financially, I could take care of myself and my kids, and I intend to keep it that way. On top of my job, I still have everyday household chores. Barb Wire Man is old fashioned in the sense that he believes it is the woman's job to care for the home, and he got lucky enough to marry a woman who believes the same! I do all the laundry. I do all the cooking. I do all the cleaning. I go to the grocery store alone. I wash his favorite coffee cup every day, and if I don't for some reason, he'd rather skip coffee than wash it himself! I make sure he has plenty of snacks in his semi. I do all the banking and bill paying. I take the trash out when he..."forgets". I take care of the garden. I rub his back. I bathe and take care of the kids. I do these things because I feel like it is my job, but also because I know Barb Wire Man is tired.
Barb Wire Man goes to work everyday, and sometimes, has some pretty funky hours. In fact, today, he left our house at 1:30 in the morning. When he gets home from work, Barb Wire Man's "duties" include taking out the trash (if I haven't already), mowing the lawn (once a week at most), and......and......and....yeah, I have nothing else to add.
I do not mind doing all the things I do around the house. I know my husband is tired after a long day at work, but sometimes, he fails to realize that I am tired from work, too. He sometimes fails to see that we both have jobs, but that on top of my job, I have work! Occasionally, it would be nice to hear a thank you from Barb Wire Man. It would be nice to hear "Let me help you with supper tonight!" Or even "I know you've been working all day, too, let me help you fold the laundry."
He takes for granted all the little things I do for him, like, washing that stupid coffee cup for him. I do it to be nice to him. To do a "little something" to make his day better.
We have to remember to never take the little things for granted.
Tell your spouse thank you for all the little things they do to make your life easier.
Better yet, help your spouse with those things. We are supposed to be a team, right?!
Be blessed today!
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Marriage: Attacked By Busy-ness
I always complain that "life" gets in the way of, well, living. I mean it rather tongue in cheek, though. None of us can avoid things like work, caring for the children, laundry, cooking, etc. We have to do those things in order to survive, pay our bills, and be decent members of society. We can, however, allow those things to take over our lives.
Barb Wire Man and I have definitely allowed that to happen recently. I am incredibly blessed that I am able to work at home, but that certainly doesn't mean I don't work hard. I am able to stay at home with my two precious children, like I feel God has called me to do, but I also care for other's children. I've always taken that incredibly seriously. Essentially, I am filling in for their mommy. I truly act as though they are my children when they are with me. If my job is to teach my own child about his numbers, letters, manners, and God, then it is also my duty to teach the other children. I still have to change diapers (literally, about 18 a day!), fix breakfast and lunch for 5-8 kids, get them all down for nap, plan activities, and play. On top of this, I still have my household duties. I cook all our meals; breakfast, lunch and supper. I have mountains of laundry that I have to wash and hang out to dry, then fold. I have toilets to scrub, floors to vacuum and mop, and I try to make sure my house is spotless before Barb Wire Man gets home from work. By 5:00 in the evening, the last thing in the world I want to do is, well, anything basically. I certainly don't try to make sure I look pretty for him, because I'm around kids all day. I darn sure don't feel sexy by the end of the day! He understands this, but I know he would love to come home to a wife who at least looks like she took a shower.
Barb Wire Man drives a semi truck, so his hours are hardly 8-5. Some days, he is out the door by 4:30 in the morning, while other days, he doesn't leave til 7:00. Some days he is home by 5:00, but often it is 7:00 or later. Sometimes, he doesn't get to come home at all, and "gets" to sleep in a little bed in the back of his truck. His job duties include far more than just sitting and driving a truck. I ride with him every chance I get, and I know that his job duties are physically taxing on him. Once he gets home, there are always things I need for him to do. I know how tired he is, so I try to do everything at home by myself (which makes me even more tired!), but there are some things I cannot physically do. When you are short, sometimes, you just need a tall man to help! He trudges through, and does the things I need help with. Because the kids haven't seen him all day, all they want to do is play. I'm pretty sure he uses up the last few ounces of energy he has on our children. I've asked him many times how he has the energy to play with those two the way he does. Once the kids are in bed, all he wants to do is sit on the couch, watch TV and get on his computer. I don't blame him for this at all ,but he knows that I'd give anything for conversation, a little attention, and to simply be acknowledged.
So, what is a couple to do? We could eliminate our jobs and daily chores from our lives. Then, we'd be homeless, hungry, and most likely childless! Of course we can't do that. People make time for the things that are important to them. Outside of work, we do have an abundance of free time. I don't know about you and your spouse, but Barb Wire Man and I could make time for each other. We have chosen not to do so. I have always poured my efforts into caring for my children first. Keeping my house in what I deem "perfect" condition was second. Those two things alone consumed me. I had no energy left to be sexy for him. Barb Wire Man's spare energy went to the our kids, sitting at the computer, and watching TV. Noticing me was last on his list.
To put it bluntly, we acknowledged each other when we had to. We have wonderful, amazing conversations during the day on the phone. He sits in a truck, and has time to talk! But at night, we are alone while sitting on the couch together. After the kids are in bed, I busy myself with cleaning the house...even if it is already clean. I sit on the couch with my computer in my lap. Barb Wire Man sits on the couch watching his TV programs and is on his computer at the same time. We know what all our friends are doing, what their kids are doing, and even what their grandkids are doing, and we know what they are all thinking thanks to things like Facebook and Twitter! But we don't know what each other is thinking. We don't know what the other is feeling. Basically, we know more about people we are merely acquainted with than we know about the person we claim to love the most. And we have allowed ourselves to become okay with that fact that the most we say to each other is "Are you ready for bed?".
We both know this is something that must change. We must stop busying ourselves. We don't have to leave our house once a week to go on a date, though that would be awesome! We don't even have to swear off TV and Facebook. But we do have to set aside time every night to really talk with each other.
We don't need to talk about the kids. We don't need to talk about how our days went. We don't need to talk about what we are going to have for supper the next day. We do need to get to know each other better and continually. "Where do you see our family heading in the next five years?" "Am I meeting your needs?"
I know surely we aren't the only ones who go through this type of thing in our marriage. Hopefully sharing part of our story will help you, as well as keep us accountable. What type of questions do you and your spouse ask each other?
Yicarechech Adonai L'Olam Ve'ed
(May God bless you and keep you)
Barb Wire Man and I have definitely allowed that to happen recently. I am incredibly blessed that I am able to work at home, but that certainly doesn't mean I don't work hard. I am able to stay at home with my two precious children, like I feel God has called me to do, but I also care for other's children. I've always taken that incredibly seriously. Essentially, I am filling in for their mommy. I truly act as though they are my children when they are with me. If my job is to teach my own child about his numbers, letters, manners, and God, then it is also my duty to teach the other children. I still have to change diapers (literally, about 18 a day!), fix breakfast and lunch for 5-8 kids, get them all down for nap, plan activities, and play. On top of this, I still have my household duties. I cook all our meals; breakfast, lunch and supper. I have mountains of laundry that I have to wash and hang out to dry, then fold. I have toilets to scrub, floors to vacuum and mop, and I try to make sure my house is spotless before Barb Wire Man gets home from work. By 5:00 in the evening, the last thing in the world I want to do is, well, anything basically. I certainly don't try to make sure I look pretty for him, because I'm around kids all day. I darn sure don't feel sexy by the end of the day! He understands this, but I know he would love to come home to a wife who at least looks like she took a shower.
Barb Wire Man drives a semi truck, so his hours are hardly 8-5. Some days, he is out the door by 4:30 in the morning, while other days, he doesn't leave til 7:00. Some days he is home by 5:00, but often it is 7:00 or later. Sometimes, he doesn't get to come home at all, and "gets" to sleep in a little bed in the back of his truck. His job duties include far more than just sitting and driving a truck. I ride with him every chance I get, and I know that his job duties are physically taxing on him. Once he gets home, there are always things I need for him to do. I know how tired he is, so I try to do everything at home by myself (which makes me even more tired!), but there are some things I cannot physically do. When you are short, sometimes, you just need a tall man to help! He trudges through, and does the things I need help with. Because the kids haven't seen him all day, all they want to do is play. I'm pretty sure he uses up the last few ounces of energy he has on our children. I've asked him many times how he has the energy to play with those two the way he does. Once the kids are in bed, all he wants to do is sit on the couch, watch TV and get on his computer. I don't blame him for this at all ,but he knows that I'd give anything for conversation, a little attention, and to simply be acknowledged.
So, what is a couple to do? We could eliminate our jobs and daily chores from our lives. Then, we'd be homeless, hungry, and most likely childless! Of course we can't do that. People make time for the things that are important to them. Outside of work, we do have an abundance of free time. I don't know about you and your spouse, but Barb Wire Man and I could make time for each other. We have chosen not to do so. I have always poured my efforts into caring for my children first. Keeping my house in what I deem "perfect" condition was second. Those two things alone consumed me. I had no energy left to be sexy for him. Barb Wire Man's spare energy went to the our kids, sitting at the computer, and watching TV. Noticing me was last on his list.
To put it bluntly, we acknowledged each other when we had to. We have wonderful, amazing conversations during the day on the phone. He sits in a truck, and has time to talk! But at night, we are alone while sitting on the couch together. After the kids are in bed, I busy myself with cleaning the house...even if it is already clean. I sit on the couch with my computer in my lap. Barb Wire Man sits on the couch watching his TV programs and is on his computer at the same time. We know what all our friends are doing, what their kids are doing, and even what their grandkids are doing, and we know what they are all thinking thanks to things like Facebook and Twitter! But we don't know what each other is thinking. We don't know what the other is feeling. Basically, we know more about people we are merely acquainted with than we know about the person we claim to love the most. And we have allowed ourselves to become okay with that fact that the most we say to each other is "Are you ready for bed?".
We both know this is something that must change. We must stop busying ourselves. We don't have to leave our house once a week to go on a date, though that would be awesome! We don't even have to swear off TV and Facebook. But we do have to set aside time every night to really talk with each other.
We don't need to talk about the kids. We don't need to talk about how our days went. We don't need to talk about what we are going to have for supper the next day. We do need to get to know each other better and continually. "Where do you see our family heading in the next five years?" "Am I meeting your needs?"
I know surely we aren't the only ones who go through this type of thing in our marriage. Hopefully sharing part of our story will help you, as well as keep us accountable. What type of questions do you and your spouse ask each other?
Yicarechech Adonai L'Olam Ve'ed
(May God bless you and keep you)
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