Thursday, March 8, 2012

Epic Fail

Yesterday was simply not my day.

The day started off ok, nothing great, but nothing horrible, either.  I got Barb Wire Man off to work, Flower ready for and off to school, and the daycare kids started arriving.  My first clue to the day starting to shift toward sucky started when I poured my last cup of coffee before 7:00.  That is never a good sign.

Then, I took a bite of my delicious, farm fresh, hard-boiled egg, only to watch the yummy middle shoot out the other end and roll from the dining room all the way into the living room.  Despite the fact that I just cleaned and vacuumed the carpets, the yolk of the egg picked up every single string, piece of fuzz and dust that was in my house, making it inedible.

The kids were really awesome yesterday, and that is always a good thing.  One of my little boys is potty training, and he did so good yesterday!  All you moms out there know what an enormous deal that is!  I thought perhaps the dynamics of the day were switching.

I decided to make some baked fish for lunch.  The kids and I love fish, but of course, Barb Wire Man doesn't.  The only time I make it is at lunch.  I stuck the fish in the oven, walked off, and started sing/dance time with all the littles.

We were seriously jammin' to kid's tunes!  The kids were singing and laughing, and I was getting a good workout jumping around the house dancing with them.  Until...

Little Man said "Oh Mama, dere's a fiiiire!"

Honestly, my first thought was "Oh. Holy. Shit."

I quickly told all the kids to grab hands and stand by the door, which, surprisingly, they all did immediately.  They never obey like that.  I assumed they heard the panic in my voice and decided that if there was ever a time to be obedient, this was it.

I ran into the kitchen and sure enough, smoke was coming out of my oven.  And I don't just mean it was a little smokey.  I'm talking, billowing.  Enough so that I literally was choking for lack of air, with tears streaming down my face because the smoke was burning my eyes.  I had somehow mistaken the "bake" button on my oven for the "self-clean" button.

Yes, I know.  I rock.

I turned the self-clean cycle off.  However, my oven locks down during a self-clean cycle until it is completely cool, so I couldn't even take the fish out.  It just sat in there, smoldering.  I made all the kids go to my bedroom, because it is the only room that has a "real" door instead of an accordian type door.  I turned the cartoons on, and told them to "be good for just a minute."

Thank God is was in the 80's yesterday, because I had to open every window in the house.  I turned the vent fan above the stove on to high.  I got all the fans in the house and pointed them so they would blow smoke away from the kids.  I turned all the ceiling fans on.  I cried, though I'm not sure if it was because I thought I was going to die of smoke inhalation or because I was overwhelmed with the thought of what could have happened.

I went in to check on the kids, who were in the only room not filled with smoke.  They were happy as larks, jumping on my bed, giggling, and having a blast playing in the room they are normally forbidden from entering.  It was a huge game for them!

Needless to say, we didn't eat fish yesterday.  In fact, I've never seen anything burned quite like that fish.  We ended up eating microwaved leftovers.  My house stinks so badly.   I have singe marks on my stove top and oven door from the amount of smoke that was coming out of the oven.  I've washed my hair twice because, to me, it still smells like smoke.

I'm so thankful, though, that smoke is all there was.  Most of you know how terrified I am of fire, because it killed my grandmother, but to make matters worse, this happened just 4 days before the anniversary of her death.  And I was using her pan to cook in.  After all the daycare kids left, I broke down and cried.

Later that evening, Little Man came up out of the blue and reminded me that he loves me, our daycare friends love me, Flower loves me, and Daddy loves me.  I'm thankful for God's protection, and I'm thankful that, even when I royally screw up, my family still loves me.

My apologies for not posting pics.  Picking up the camera was the last thing on my mind, though now, I wish I had captured the moment....


  1. You're not the only one, Plum...we did the same thing once when we lived in Virginia. Sounds like you handled it very well.


  2. Seriously, I HATE cameras. I would not have a picture of that either!

    PS-That self-clean button sounds familiar...


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