I am one of those people who has more goals, more ideas, and more dreams than there are hours in the day to accomplish them. Unfortunately for me, I am also one of those people who assumes none of my goals, ideas or dreams will ever become a reality, so I leave them unspoken. Then, when I finally summon the courage to talk to my husband or a friend about those goals, ideas or dreams, the response is usually "Where the heck did that come from?" (my response to that one was "well, dipwad, if you had paid attention you would have known"). Or, "But you are so happy where you are, why change anything?"
I guess I am now eating my teenage words, in a way. You see, when I was 17, I made certain that my parents understood I was in charge. Of course I was in love with the Marine. Of course I realized that practically skipping my senior year of high school and college meant less career opportunities, but that was OK. I was going to be a momma and a wife. End of story. In my immense wisdom, I never once gave thought to the fact that I would be a single mom, or any of the other challenges my life might bring. (Here you go, Mom. Here is you I told you so!)
Please don't get me wrong. There is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing in this world that compares to raising my children, or caring for my husband. But today has really gotten me to thinking....
It all started when I asked my husband to bring in all the boxes from storage so that I could put the Christmas decorations away. With that "I know I am about to get slapped" looked in his face he said, "Go do it yourself! You ladies burned your bras, what do you need me for?!" Yes, he was joking, and yes, I did go get them myself. But I didn't burn my bra!!! I thank and applaud those who did, in a way, because there are women who have to work, and by gosh they deserve equal pay. And we are all created in God's image, and therefore deserve equal treatment. But I want respect for the fact that I have chosen to stay at home with my children. My husband in no way oppresses me and keeps me here. Truth be told, he probably wants me to go back to work. I want respect because of who I am. What I know. How I feel. What I have to offer.
I have so many hidden talents that few people know about. My Daddy knows. My Momma knows a lot. (When your own mom calls you June Cleaver, Martha Stewart and Suzy Homemaker, you know a thing or two about being a homemaker). But what do people not know about me?
Some of my closest friends have no idea that I know about as much as the Reformation as some historians. They have no idea that I give marital counselling on a regular basis. No clue that I studied Hebrew, and not even so much as an inkling that I could go toe to toe with other religions in Christian Apologetics.
But I can. And I will prove it.
My Daddy, also known as one of the best men and friends I know, told me over Christmas that he thought about getting me a Hebrew Course for Christmas (see! He does know me!). It really got me to thinking about what I would like to accomplish this year. I told my husband about one of them tonight and his response was exactly as I had anticipated..."umm, yeah. That will take you 20 years, and what's the point? Where the hell are you going to use that in the Texas Panhandle?" Thanks for the support. Anyhow, here are the things I will do in 2011. And as my Mother knows, I will do them. Come hell or high water, I will accomplish or at the very least begin these things.
1. I will begin my Hebrew studies again. I will most assuredly not be fluent by the end of the year, but I bet I will know more than most Jews know.
2. I will start classes at our local community college. My Grandma and Grandpa left me money for college, and all these years I have tried to convince myself that I would just save it for my kids, because it was useless for me to go to college now. No way. I want to go, just for myself. If I don't like it, then so be it, but I will give it a full year before I change my mind. What will I go to school for you ask? Good damn question! But, since I was my Flower's age I have been interested in Christian Apologetics/Biblical Archaeology. Who knows...maybe I should get my basics first!!
haha...who am I kidding?!
4. I will stop wasting my time on knitting/sewing projects I know will turn out perfectly.
6. I will attend the "We Come From Weird and Love It" reunion of my cousins on my dad's side. I don't know how, but I will.
7. I will completely organize my grandma's recipes into one, clearly legible recipe book for all the women in my family. (I know. You are thinking this is kinda silly to allow myself a year for this. If you only knew......)
8. I will remember that every time my daughter wants to sit in my lap and play with my hair to enjoy it. She is getting older, and it won't be cool for long, I will remember that the way I live my life is the most important example of womanhood that she sees.
9. I will remember that my son won't be 2 forever. One day, there will be a woman that is far more important than me (as well it should be), and that my job is to teach him how to treat, love and respect a woman. And that any woman that is not just like me is not acceptable. OK, maybe that isn't true.
10. I will remember to kiss my husband as though I will never see him again, because we are never guaranteed tomorrow.
Wait....we aren't guaranteed tomorrow? Then why the hell did I just write all this down?
Oh well. I still meant it all. Feel free to check in on my progress, and I hope to be writing updates often!